Now we all know I am not new to dating.
In fact, if this were an olympic sport, I would probably have beaten Michael Phelps in the gold medal department, and still had time to pop his kitty pool. I am just THAT much of a dating genetically mutated freak of nature. With that being said, I am continuously dumbfounded by the way men seek to compliment me when we go out on dates.
Sometimes I get the overtly affectionate compliments, like, "Wow, you are cute AND smart, why are you on this dating site, what is wrong with you?" (because you know, a women cannot be both of these things and still be on a messed up quest for love, without the world imploding) or "Will you marry me?" (because obviously I am desperate enough to marry a complete stranger from that opening line), or "Sorry I do not mean to stare, I am just picturing your long legs wrapped around me" (um, no...just...no).
I usually spend a vast majority of my time contemplating how in fact I should respond back to these interludes of sexual repression drenched in desperation and lacking the fundamental air of romanticism. The other part of the time I am trying not to throw up, curl my lip in disgust, or furrow my brow in irritation. BUT, it does usually spark up the fundamental question of, why AM I on a dating site? I mean, my statistics are rarely successful. The only thing I can come up with is, I either A. suffer from a dating curse B. The government is out to get me or C. aliens (because, you know, I am being saved for the progression of the super race, clearly).
More often than not though, I have come across gents who go out of their way to compliment/critique me in a weird song and dance into my panties (*disclaimer, every single one of these has been said to my person).
"You have such doll like hair, so fine, and so soft"
"You are so tall, I want to climb you like a mountain"
"We are like pointy chin models"
"Oh I can see the witch resemblance, that's so cool"
"Your scars are sexy"
"You remind me of a horse, which I want to ride"
"You have very unique features, you could cut someone with your cheekbones"
"You have the most beautiful toes, I wish your whole body were like your toes"
"You got a Kill Bill thing going on" (... as in, I carry around a japanese sword hoping to enact revenge upon the male population?...ok he may have gotten a second date out of that one).
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Or my personal all time favorite:
"You are so intimidating, but no really I like it".
Dear male population, if you tell a girl she intimidates you, this is what is bound to happen: Game over.
