Oh, was this your package?

A couple of weeks back I ordered some girly dishes (see pic for their beauty). Though, as the weeks passed, I wondered to myself, where art thou dishes? And so of course after going through the process of tracking my package, I discover it had been delivered to me three days ago...that is, delivered to my old residence.  Bollocks.

After knocking my head for my own stupidity, I immediately contact my landlord (who was out of town), and write to the company (who were also closed, thanks to the holiday weekend). And after three days of waiting, wondering, obsessing (because I truly have nothing better to do) over the poor china, I get an email from my landlord who tells me that they have in fact been delivered and the new tenant has them at his house, and gives me his email address to contact him. 

So I do.

This is the response I get, "Curiosity got the best of me and I opened that package and tossed the box.  Not to worry though, the plates were delivered in one piece! " 

Part of me is ecstatic that he has my dishes. The other part of me is slowly stewing with a volcanic rage. 

Not only did this chump open my package, he threw away the box with the absolute intention of keeping my items. I mean, for one, does he just happen to have those exact same plates (because seriously we might be star crossed lovers if that is the case)?

Or is he so poor that these two china plates were going to start his collection of dinnerware, and save him from the paper plate hell he had been living in? 

And did he use them already? Especially since it was a holiday weekend. Did he pile them up with finger food, grubby frat boy finger food, made up of cheetos and salsa? 

I also wonder if it had been something of a more manly interest, like an Xbox, would he have kept it, and lied about receiving the package at all? Then again, he kept my dishes, and for whatever asinine reason admitted to it. 

Have we as a society become so clueless as to the morality of how things work? For one, he just had to contact my landlord for a way to contact me (I have only been out of that apartment for three months), and for two, he just simply had to write, "return to sender, person no longer lives here."  What the blazes have we come to when even dishes are not safe!!! 

Even better, what sort of idiot am I dealing with? For all you idiots out there, who wish to make a crime at stealing other people’s stuff, let me clue you into something:

a. Don’t steal a UPS package that is easily tracked, 

b. Don’t admit you have the package to two separate parties, 

c. Don’t tell the party whose package it belongs to that you opened the package and even imply that you had every intention of keeping the materials, and most importantly

d. Don’t have your full name (with your work address) on the email that you responded with.

So Yes Mr. Ryan ******* I know who you are, and if you don’t return my dishes in a timely manner, you should know that I grew up in the mountains where people still play the banjo and like to own guns, cops are the least of your worries, as us mountainfolk don’t take too kindly to strangers who invade our property. And boy, you sure do have a purdy mouth.