Obviously I am writing a little late in the game, but can you blame me, I'm the observant type. The ever watchful before the cobra strikes type. I am the girl that stands on the corner of the street in a trench coat and you wonder if she is about to flash you, mug you, or take racy pictures of you type. Ok, maybe I don't own a trench coat, or actually like to flash people, or mug them for that matter, but I don't mind snapping a picture of this wasteland if the situation calls for it.
The point is, I have had it with you Mr. LA.
Today, I wished to simply sit in a nice coffee shop, and not the kind of coffee shop that is cracked into you like Starbucks, but a gem of a place still locally bred. I falsely assumed I would be able to enjoy my hot chocolate whilst I typed away some story that will most likely never see the light of day, but unfortunately I sat myself down next to a table of jabbers. And not just any jabbers, mind you, "Reality Star" jabbers. Now, its not so much that Reality Shows are demeaning, brain sucking, pieces of crap (because that would slightly be a lie since everyone secretly has a reality show they love, Project Runway I'm looking at you) its that Reality Stars feel they are the creme of the crop.
This I must explore.
And in thusly exploring this so far, I have begun to realize the many many sad juxtapositions that this town has wrought upon itself. So I am now beginning to write down my frustrations. With a blog. Sort of cliche, but a voice needs a forum, and so ensued the blog.
Today....I will simply start with Reality (pun intended).
It is bad enough that this town is chalk full of wannabe actors who come from itsy bitsy hobunk towns where they were either the miscreants or the jocks (because the inbetween people were too smart for this bullshit).
It is bad enough that we all have to be served and waited on by these types while listening to their sob stories (I would have expanded the list of day jobs that actors have, but really the Spaniards, aka the Mexicans, have conquered most of the other menial jobs around here, so all that is left for the the actors are your typical bartender, waitress, and maitre d' gigs). Poor actors, some might think, but that would be folly, don't pity them. That's like pitying a jock who has no college degree because he was picked to be drafted straight out of high school and then he blew out something on his body and could no longer play; and since he is as dumb as a box of rocks (though a box of rocks would still probably have a college education), and more than likely doesn't know how to balance his checkbook, or do anything but throw a ball, they had to take away his McMansion and his corvette, thus making his trophy wife cheat on him with the pizza delivery boy, but I digress...
So mind you, since we will more than likely carp about the wonderful world of actors (I even dated one and that DEFINITELY needs to be expunged, with a large loofah, if possible) we shall just zone in on the Reality Stars, for the moment.
What is REALLY bad, is that now instead of having to simply deal with the onslaught of wannabe can-i-take-your-drink actors, we now have to coincide with their incestuous siblings, their pesky nose picking neighbors, their bullies who burned ants on their hometown streets, and their fat besties who ate mud pies for supper. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, now has the ability to be a Star.
That is...if they are willing to sign their life away. As most of us know, who live in this zip code, and for those of you who don't, those "Reality" contracts are devilishly written and seek to not only own but sell your soul for the right price, as long as you promise to do everything they want. And for that sliver of fame, people will eat, sleep, dance, and shit gold for whatever network they have signed to.
The sheer brilliance of it all is that Reality Stars will never, and I mean NEVER to the umpteenth degree EVER, be more famous then their five minutes of fame (and I am not talking about their continued fame that they may find back home when mumsie brags about her kid on TV). They will not get that amazing movie, win that amazing Oscar, or achieve that lifetime achievement award, because what they fail to realize is that "Real" Stars and "Real" Actors are already fighting against the "Next Best Thing" grain, and the next best thing is not Billy Joe who decided to eat an uncooked bull's cock for ten thousand dollars. Reality Stars can only play in the same ball game as other reality stars. And trust me, the Networks know this, and that is why you will often see the same reality Star in a variety of Reality Shows, because they know those people will do anything for fame and they don't have to be paid the big bucks to do it. Yet, everything runs its course, and Reality Shows are a flat and shallow industry, and you can only play one character for so long, thus a Reality Star has a very short lived shelf life.
In a way I feel sorry for these Reality Stars. They believed in the premise that if you are on YouTube, or Reality TV, you meant something to the world, but I hate to break it to you Reality Folks, even Porn Stars have earned more respect than you.
So while I sat in the coffee shop, listening to the dribble of this once known contender from "Amazing Race" loudly proclaim to all that were within ear range (which was the whole shop) that she was A. From "Amazing Race", B. going to buy a 1.5 million dollar home down the street with her money and that C. Michael Moore (yes name dropping seems to always be appropriate with big mouthed no names) spoiled it for her because he was a horrible roommate that swindled her money, I couldn't help but shake my head at the wrongness of the whole lied situation, but it also made me realize that for most Reality Stars, they have to contend with keeping their fame flame bright by simply telling anyone who will listen: The Barista, the poor guy sitting next to them, and in my case, the unfortunate girl who chose a table too close.
Hats off to you Reality Wench, you win this round.
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